Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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