I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
