I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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