I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
