I just pynch a tree in the face
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
