I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I am one with the molecules
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
