I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
