after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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