you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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