someone owes me an orgasm
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
His nipple licking is glorious
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