bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
