I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
