Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
