your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
