nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
