Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
