I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
