I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
