yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
