he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
