thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
