i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
