One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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