she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
