You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
