Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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