he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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