You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
