Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
