Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
