she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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