Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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