Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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