Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
