Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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