I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
