I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
