It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
