I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
