The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
