I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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