What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my vag is so smooth its legendary
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
