I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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