I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
