This dress was meant to end up on your floor
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
