i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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