Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
