Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
4 words: hood of his car
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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