Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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