I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
are you so shy because you have an std?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
