he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
ttyl tear gas
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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