it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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